Picking Flowers

A friend of mine (I’ll call her Mary) recently posed the question; can a man love more than one woman at a time? Mary’s positioned herself in an odd threesome of sorts where she is seeing a man who is currently in a relationship with another woman. He claims he loves Mary as well as his girlfriend and Mary finds herself puzzled as if to believe this man. See it was one thing when they were just engaged in a physical relationship, but now that feelings are becoming involved, Mary wonders if she is on an emotional Titanic. I find this situation intriguing enough to discuss here. Is it possible for any man to love more than one woman at the same time? Let us explore this and see what you decide.

Now, it is true that there are various cultures and religions in which having more than one wife is an acceptable practice. Perhaps one of the most well known of these religions is Islam where the man is allowed to have up to four wives. In this case, the man is allowed to take on another wife if circumstances require such action and if he can treat each one equally. Here in lies the rub. Even the Qur’an states that “It is very difficult to be just and fair between women”. [Al-Qur'an (4:129)] How do you share time equally? What if one woman wants to go shopping at the same time that the other woman wants to have alone time cuddling? How do you share affection equally? Would you be able to give a back massage to one woman with as much passion as you give to the other? How do you share financial responsibilities equally? Last time I checked it was still a recession, so how do you wine and dine both women the way they deserve to be spoiled? A real solid and fruitful relationship requires time and energy to cultivate the love and future possible. What real love and future can you create with an individual that is already putting that work in with another person?

Let’s take this out of the context of religion and focus on the man who’s not trying to marry more than one woman. He just wants his main woman at home and to have you on the side. Does he really love you as much as he loves her? Ummm no, sorry to burst anyone’s bubble. But let’s be real about the situation you are in. He’s taking care of the woman at home! What is he doing for you besides ringing your bell from time to time and providing you with good conversation? Has he paid any of your bills? Does he take care of you when you are sick? Does he bring you flowers just because it’s Wednesday? Does he call you at night so you can be the last voice he hears before bed? Does he call you in the morning because he needs to hear your voice to get his day moving? Does he do anything romantic for you outside of the times he’s trying to find out what underwear you wore that day? Does he give you foot massages? Do you have sex every time you see each other (can we say booty call status)? What kind of quality time are you two sharing? Are you even sharing any quality time? Do you take any vacations together? Do you all own a timeshare together? Ladies, trust he’s not doing these things with you because he’s already doing them with his woman. You know, the one he actually loves! What sound did I just hear? Was that the sound of a bubble popping?! Again, sorry but you’ve got to be real about your situation.

If he loved you, he’d be with you. See when you really love someone you’d do anything to be with them. You’d make sacrifices. You’d take the risk of letting go of the past to create a new future. If he’s not willing to do this for you than he doesn’t really love you. Don’t fall for the game and the crocodile tears ladies. Maybe he cares about you, but that’s where it ends. See his current relationship will never allow him to fully explore any kind of love he may have for you. When is he going to have the time, mentally and emotionally? Now I know you really want to believe he loves you. I mean he tells you he loves you every time you two speak, and it sounds really nice and really convincing. But look at where he is at the end of the day. Is it in your arms? No. It’s with his woman. The person he sees when he opens and closes his eyes at night is the one he wants to see. That’s the one his heart sees. You are only in his periphery.

Now with this said, if you want to continue seeing him, by all means do you. I don’t believe in home wreckers. I think a home is already wrecked if another woman is allowed into play. Sometimes a relationship has already run its course and the individuals just refuse to see and accept that reality. Perhaps you are supplying something that he feels is missing from his relationship. But ask yourself, are you really satisfied with just being someone’s supplement or do you want to be someone’s full nourishment? Only you can decide what’s best for you. Just don’t put your life on hold waiting to see if he will love you enough to be with you. This will probably never happen. Treat yourself like the single woman you are and explore other people. If this man knows how to ring a bell to the right tone, than hey ring on. But don’t ever confuse lust for love. Both words begin with the same letter but have completely different meanings. Learn to listen to the actions rather than the words. And at some point be ready to love yourself more than the love you’ve created for this man.


Blog Challenge: Try to figure out if you know the difference between lust and love. And as always feel free to share your sentiments here!